Most Mediocre in 2005

"Best of" lists are cool with me, I'm a whore for that sort of thing, but I've never really cared for "worst of" lists. I don't think you should kick someone when they're down-- most of the time.

You know what's worse than shit? Mediocrity. There are two types of mediocrity in music. One is when a band is capable of more and just plays it safe, resulting in an average album. The other is when something is just neither gold nor shit. At least shit gets me talking about it. And the winner of the 2005 Mediocrity In Music Award goes to...


Coldplay - X&Y

I'm afraid to even talk about this for five minutes because I might fall asleep in the middle of it. This is the type of thing I expect to hear (and have heard) in the dentist's office. Mothers in denial of their age like Coldplay. Frat dudes like Coldplay (no offense, frat dudes, some of y'all are alright).

People (myself included) have dismissed this band from time to time as Radiohead hacks. I don't know if that's accurate. What's more likely is that Chris Martin is a savvy businessman. He's seen the U2 model. Bono has made an outstanding business out of his band, and I'm sure Chris Martin would like to do the same thing with Coldplay. But Bono might not be the right guy to idolize.

Speaking of U2.

If I don't like this band, why am I going on and on about them? Didn't I say I don't like kicking people when they're down? Well, Coldplay aren't down. Chris Martin isn't down. They came off an extremely successful and popular album that had some pretty decent songs, and went into the studio with all the resources and time necessary to deliver not only the album of their short careers, but something just generally outstanding.

My favorite Coldplay song, believe it or not, is Royksopp's remix of "Clocks". I have a feeling that Coldplay wish they sounded like this remix. Free download!

But X&Y is so average. I know they can do better than this. I don't have a problem with them sampling Kraftwerk, or just using the melody or whatever it was, on "Talk". But why even do this? Either cover the actual song, or write your own song. Or do this is as a B-side. As for "Speed of Sound", this is just an average version of "Clocks". "Fix You" fails on being too melodramatic.

And the lyrics, man! Does he just go into Gwynny's teenage diaries?

I know, it's too easy these days for people like me to hate on Coldplay but ZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...